What's In A Name

I was sent this by a friend, I checked and they really are legitimate web addresses, surely they must have realised how their URL appeared!

"Who Represents" is where you can find the names of agents
representing celebrities. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales
www.molestationnursery.com

If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their Web site,
www.speedofart.com

:)

Clumsy Is As Clumsy Does!

Being ever so slightly clumsy and slightly accident-prone myself, and after a particularly eventful evening I decided to try a bit of Internet research on the subject. So I typed into the search box ‘what makes people clumsy?’

A surprising amount of the hits that were returned seemed to be connected to alcohol, understandable enough I guess but I feel I’m a little more specialised than most in as much as my clumsiness, when intoxicated (and I don’t need to be anywhere near drunk to do this) seems to focus on an ability to spill red wine. Never White Wine, I can hold a gallon glass of white, perch it precariously on the arm of a sofa, knock it, walk past it, kick it, you name it, it never topples – but give me a glass of red and I only need to be in the same room before it inevitably ends up covering something. The amount of wine spilt and the resulting stain seems to bear a distinct correlation to the colour of my surroundings at the time i.e. the lighter the colour ergo the more likely to stain=the higher the chance of spillage. So I was more than a little concerned when Matt and I started looking for a new place to live and the cute little furnished cottage that we really liked had two white sofas in it. As anyone who’s ever spent an evening drinking with me will tell you – it’s only a matter of time! No matter how careful I am I WILL spill red wine on one of them sooner or later. So it wasn’t the end of the world when the estate agents phoned today and told us that the Landlord has now decided that he wants to rent the place unfurnished! Phew!

We haven’t got it in the bag yet but here’s hoping, not that I’m looking forward to actually moving it feels like I’ve done nothing but put things in boxes and move them from one place to the other for the last six months, but it’ll be worth it when (if) we get there, it’s got a garden, and a garage and everything!

So back to today. We have one of those slow closing things on the toilet door at work, which has to be bolted shut at the end of the day. I went in to get a bin liner from the cupboard in there and the door started to close ever so slowly, just as I heard a customer come into the shop. In an attempt to finish the job in hand before I went to sort out the customer I pulled on the towel rail on the outside of the door to close it more quickly which promptly came off in my hand sending me flying backwards into a pile of boxes of wine stacked on the floor. Fortunately the bottles didn’t break and I think I’ve managed to stick the towel rail back into the screw holes convincingly enough that no one will ever notice it was torn from it’s fixings, and I'm sure the bruises will fade quite quickly this time! Then I came home, watched an episode of Heroes (well worth checking out) than proceeded to knock a glass of wine all over my computer desk (none on the carpet, honest Matt!) twice and all this after only three small glasses.

I looked on Wikipedia and apparently clumsiness is caused by neurological problems and thankfully I don’t seem to suffer from any of the other symptoms associated with them when not drinking red wine so I can only come to the conclusion that red wine just turns whatever part of my brain that controls coordination, often with devastating effects on upholstery, (and my head, I still have a lump from a particularly unfortunate incident involving red wine, falling over and a pint glass, filled with water at Christmas)into a pile of mush.

Though it pains me to say it, it would appear that the only cure is a life devoid of red wine. Oh what the hell – what’s a carpet or two between friends anyway.

UPDATE

We got the Cottage, whoopee more moving, more packing, more lugging boxes around and then forever trying to remember which box things are in. Moving Day 26th Feb. I can't wait :)

Well Fry Ma Hide!

I stumbled across a great website if you fancy wasting a bit of office time. the Dialectizer turns text and websites into different dialects, including Redneck, Jive and Elmer Fudd. Here's how The Elephants Child translates into Redneck, hours of fun :)

Th' Art of Ahideg Quesshuns

ah keep six honess servin'-men
(They tought me all ah knowed);
Their names is Whut in tarnation an' Whuffo' an' When
An' How an' When an' Who.
ah send them on over lan' an' sea,
ah send them easy an' west;
But af'er they haf wawked fo' me,
ah give them all a rest.

ah let them ress fum nine till five,
Fo' ah's busy then,
As fine as bustfast, lunch an' tea,
Fo' they is hungry men, as enny fool kin plainly see.
But diffrunt folk haf diffrunt views;
ah knows a varmint small-
She keeps ten million servin'-men,
Who git no ress at all! Fry mah hide!

She sends 'em abroad on her own affairs,
Fum th' second she opens her eyes-
One million Hows, two million Whars,
An' seven million Whuffo's!

Fum Th' Elephants Chile by Rudyard Kiplin'.

Go To Hell?

Hell is having it's busiest day today.

The town of Hell in Michigan is expecting a horde of revellers to visit today, to mark the date which echoes the Bible's 'number of the beast' .

Mayor (and souvenir shop owner!) John Colone will be selling mugs, T-shirts and deeds to one square inch of Hell for $6.66.

He said "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying that they've celebrated June 6th, 2006 in Hell".

Hangovers!

I’ve been doing a bit of ‘hands on’ research into hangovers recently so I thought I’d investigate the subject further. Why does alcohol make (some of) us feel so rough the following day? Even the Bible makes reference to the problems of the morning after! "Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink" (Isaiah 5:11)

A Hangover is also called a veisalgia - from the Norwegian word for ‘uneasiness following debauchery’ (kveis) and the Greek word for ‘pain’ (algia) and the term is used to describe the unpleasant side effects of too much alcohol or heavy consumption of drugs. The most common symptoms are dehydration, tiredness, nausea and a headache. Other symptoms of an alcohol-induced hangover are difficulty in concentrating, irritability, sensitivity to light and noise, and trouble sleeping.

Not that it’s news to any of us but alcohol causes more than one problem when it comes to hangovers. Ethanol (alcohol) has a dehydrating effect on the body, which causes the dry mouth, lethargy and headache. However one of the most disturbing factors in my opinion is why I get a headache. Apparently dehydration causes the brain to shrink away from the skull slightly – yuck! This is because the other organs in our bodies are trying to save themselves by drawing water from the brain. This triggers the pain sensors on the outside surface of your brain. A suggestion to help to avoid this is to drink plenty of water in between and directly after drinking alcohol (or maybe to just drink a little less alcohol). Just to add to the appeal alcohol is also a metabolic poison which impacts on your stomach lining and causes the nausea. Then just to round off the damage nicely your liver, assuming it still functions, turns alcohol into acetaldehyde and this metabolite is probably even more toxic to your body than the alcohol itself. So it’s really no surprise that you feel ill the morning after a heavy session is it?

One thing that I did find quite interesting, and a little worrying is that some of the nervous effects of a hangover are exaggerated by products of the alcohol fermentation process, such as methanol and fusel oils, which are also called congeners. However when it comes to distilled alcohol, in particular Vodka (a favourite of mine) this doesn’t happen - which is why I don’t feel so bad after a heavy night on the Vodka as I do after a red wine binge. Which prompts the obvious solution, drink more Vodka!

Other factors which are believed to worsen the effects of a hangover are sugar (Found in sweet cocktails alchopops etc), Nicotine poisoning (There is a tendency to smoke more when you’re drunk) and good old fashioned genetics – some people just don’t get hangovers. However if you’re one of those people, before you get smug about it, remember just because you don’t feel rough the morning after it doesn’t mean you’re doing yourself any less any harm when you drink to excess. Lastly there’s also a certain level of psychosomatics with a hangover – if you expect to get one, you will!

So… Suggested Cures/Prevention.

• Drinking a sports drink (not an energy drink) such as powerade or Gatorade to rehydrate your body
• Drinking a large amount of water before going to bed and during the night to rehydrate your body
• Eating mineral rich foods such as pickles or fish
• Drinking pickle juice, i.e. the juice that cucumbers eggs etc are pickled in, in the morning (apparently very popular in Poland)
• Eating something substantial before going to bed to soak up the alcohol (kebabs, pizza etc)
• Drinking coffee (although not too strong as caffeine itself can cause dehydration)
• Drinking orange juice, which is rich in vitamin C
• Eating cabbage leaves or drinking tomato juice
• Cysteine, which is available as an over the counter supplement (N-acetycysteine (NAC)) assists is processing acetaldehyde and is best taken while already drinking and/or before going to bed. Egg yolk is also rich in cysteine, which may be why many traditional remedies contain eggs.
• And finally - the most obvious of them all - don't get drunk!

So it would appear that the urge for a kebab after a heavy night is not so much that it’s the only time one tastes nice but a subconscious effort to prevent a hangover. My personal favourite is still the tried and tested remedy of drinking water before sleeping, works for me - if you can face it that is. Or alternatively just don’t get quite so drunk!

Ladybird Ladybird...

Ladybird Ladybird...
Originally uploaded by Cathy G.

In Medieval England farmers would set torches to the old hop (used in flavouring beer) vines after the harvest in order to clear the fields for the next planting.

This poem was sung as a warning to the ladybirds that were still crawling on the vines in search of aphids. The ladybirds' children (larvae) could get away from the flames, but the pupae, referred to as "Nan" in some versions, were fastened to the plants and thus could not escape.

Pupae are the larvae when they have formed a cocoon and are changing into adults. "Nan" was originally an affectionate form of the name "Ann" (but it is now generally used as a short form of "Nancy").

Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,
Your house is on fire and your children are gone,
All except one,
And her name is Ann,
And she hid under the frying pan.

Size Is Important!

This piece of modern art can be found around the urinals in the 5-star Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand. Whereas 5-star hotels are normally better known for their opulence, their design or their cuisine this particular Sofitel is gaining notoriety for their men’s room!

The design plays on our fears of being watched in the loo – and for the men who use this particular restroom not only are they being observed, but the girls seem to have no qualms about measuring, photographing or just having a laugh at one of the most ‘sensitive’ parts of the male anatomy (and ego!)

Apparently, apart from being the most popular room in the hotel, it’s also attracted a couple of complaints from Churchgoers and a few hundred people who just want to have a look!

Hotel Manager – Mark Wilkinson, says that the idea behind them was just to ‘put a little levity into a posh hotel’

Utterly Pointless Lists!

We all make lists don't we? Things to do, shopping, things to buy and so on and so on. But be honest how many pointless lists do we all make? There seems to be a huge increase on British TV of the 'Top 100 TV Adverts' or 'The Top 100 All time Great Love Songs, Movie Moments, the number of top 100's is a whole endless list in itself. So in this evening's moment of boredom I decided to start composing my own utterly pointless lists, it'll fill up a space in the sidebar if nothing else! I really can't be bothered to list 100 of anything so I think I'll stick to top 10's. So in the true spirit of the season here's my first (of no doubt many) Top 10's.

My Top 10 Worse Possible Xmas Presents

1. Anything bought 'In 10 easy instalments' from a newspaper or newspaper colour supplement. (For that matter, anything bought from a newspaper or newspaper Sunday Supplement)

2. Collectables. (With the possible exception of Star Wars or Bad Taste Bears)

3. Tea Towel

4. Fake designer labels, (smell-a-like perfumes, fake designer watches etc)

5. A Celine Dion CD

6. An England Rugby shirt

7. A Self Help Book/CD/DVD

8. Anything that smells of Magnolia, Rose, Sandalwood or Lily Of The Valley

9. A Calendar with picture of cute fluffy kittens/puppies/ponies etc etc.

10. Real Fur

Cat Dictionary

Did someone say Mouse?
Originally uploaded by Cathy G.

Insomnia
The inability to get more than twenty hours sleep in a day

Loyalty
Staying with the same human for more than six weeks

Stress
A condition only observed in other creatures

Bird
Canned food with wings but no can

Flea
A tiny vicious dragon

Dog
A large hairy overgrown flea

Conciousness
That annoying time inbetween naps

Food
Something which must be taken at 30-minute intervals

Love
A feeling one can only truly have for oneself

Box
A possible portal to utopia which must be explored and guarded

Work
An activity carried out by mankind to maintain catkind in comfort

Humility
No known definition.