The Artful Dodger Is Not A Nice Person!!

Last week I fell victim to a pickpocket! I used to think of it as an almost whimsical, romantic, harmless crime a la Dickens etc. It was, at one stage, punishable by death (and right now I'd be leaning towards a reintroduction of the death penalty, or maybe just cutting off their hands would be more appropriate!) the irony being that a public execution [of a pickpocket] was an ideal opportunity for pickpockets to work what with there being quite a major distraction going on.

So there I am all smug 'cos I've done all my Christmas shopping already, I have to add that it's the first time in my life I've been this organised, but when you get paid on the 6th of the month it sort of makes you get on with it. We had the company piss up on Thursday night and as they'd very kindly paid for my train fare to London (and back) and and overnight stay on Thursday night, the man and I decided to meet up on Friday morning and head off to the Borough Market to get a few bits of food for Christmas. I'd never been there before and was looking forward to it.

On arrival we headed straight to the Monmouth Coffee stall, topped up the caffeine levels and bought some coffee beans that smelt as only I can only image heaven would smell if it was an odour.

I was in awe of all the food and sights and sounds and smells and noticed the signs saying 'high risk of pickpockets' but I thought I was ok, after all my purse was in my front pocket, where I (and everyone else!) could see it. How could anyone get it without me noticing?

I'll tell you shall I? Take a camera with you! When you take a photo you're not looking at your purse, in fact you're not looking at anything outside the viewfinder and both your hands are a long way away from your pocket - and there it was gone!!

It's not romantic, it's not funny and it's not even the fact that they lifted the £100 I'd got from the cashpoint (why did I not just get £50!) it's my debit card, my credit card, my driving license, my train ticket, my AA membership etc etc. It's such a pain and I'd really like to get my hands on the piece of scum who got up on Friday morning and decided to make some easy money robbing at the Borough market and shove what's left in my purse where it's going to hurt most. All I can hope for is that they suffered horrible painful injuries when they were run over by a London bus whilst crossing the road, when they were distracted momentarily whilst rummaging through my purse!!!

It's Not Mom's It's Mine!

We have a huge apple tree in out garden which produces many many more apples than we can ever eat/cook with/reach to pick. Most of them went to waste last year as we can't reach to pick any higher than the bottom few branches. The birds and the wasps also make short work of a lot of them while they're still on the tree, so we've never managed to get to too many of them.

We've done better this year than we did the last though and there's a litre of Apple and Sultana Vodka waiting in a cool dark cupboard, which should be ready to taste in about three weeks and one very nice apple cake has been cooked and eaten.



The Perfect Apple Cake Recipe.

8oz of cooking apples (although eating apples from your very own tree work just as well),8oz of sultanas,1/4 pint of milk,6oz of soft brown sugar,12oz of self raising flour,2tsp mixed spice (or just cinnamon is nice),6oz butter,1 medium egg,1oz demerara sugar.

Peel, core and chop the apples into bite sized chunks.

Mix the apples, sultanas and milk together and put to one side.

Cream the butter and the soft brown sugar together, mix in the egg.

Sieve the flour and the spice together into the butter and sugar mixture and mix well.

Add the apples, sultanas and milk to the butter and flour mixture and give it a good stir.

Sprinkle the demerara sugar over the top before cooking.

Put it in an 8" cake tin and cook in the oven (electric 160) for about 2 hours until cooked through. It may take a bit longer so towards the end of the cooking time out a knife or skewer in the centre and if it comes out clean it's cooked.

Cool and enjoy.

Days When I Shouldn't Have Got Out Of Bed #1

So - Today!

I bought a new lens for my camera. It arrived Wednesday. Despite the fact that I work from home I've been really good and resisted the urge to play with it instead of working until today. At around 3pm it got the better of me and the raindrops on the window looked to be the ideal opportunity to try out the macro function. So I stuck the lens on the camera and the camera on the tripod. Then I realised it wasn't quite high enough and picked the tripod up to extend the legs. Holding it high in the air above a concrete driveway I pulled the leg to it's full stretch and at the same time I watched the lens and camera fall from the top of the tripod and hit the ground with a resounding smash!!!

Hopefully our insurance will cover it but I'm still really pi*@$d off that I never even got to test the lens before I broke it. the glass is still intact but the mount is hanging off and as for the camera!! Suffice to say that Canon's (or any other brand for that matter) don't play well with concrete!

Then....

Luckily I have some very nice friends, one of which (Thanks Gillian) was willing to lend me her camera so I could take pics at the 'Balloons over Basingstoke' event tonight. So off I go to pick her camera up en route to Basingstoke and then I reverse out of a parking place into another car!!!!

Luckily it was (really) as much her fault as mine and as no damage was done to either car we just chalked it up to a bad day.

Then...

We got to Basingstoke and the wind got up and they decided not to fly the balloons tonight!

I need a drink.

The List!

I keep talking about 'The List' the hypothetical list of things that I'd like to do. I'm forever mentally adding things to the list then I forget all about them. So I thought I'd actually write it - THE List.

As we're already half way through the year and I can't think too far ahead on a good day I'm counting the start date as 1st June 2008 and the list is going to be made up of things I'd like to achieve/do/experience before 1st June 2009.

(Please note it's now July 2009 and I'm not even half way through so the next deadline in the end of July 2010).

I started off with grand ideas of a list of a 100 things, then when I started to struggle decided maybe 50 was enough but at the end (so far) I can only come up with 36 ideas. However as day to day life and conversations seem to be a wealth of inspiration I reserve the right to add things to the list as I go along, nothing too earth shattering or life changing just some little challenges and a bit of fun. Photographic evidence will be provided wherever possible.

So to start with...

Things To Do In The Next 12 Months.

1. Go up in a hot air balloon.
2. Go to 10 places in the UK that I’ve never been to before

1) Beer in Devon
2) Abbotsbury in Dorset.
3) Bath
4) Belfast
5) Paignton
6) Norfolk
7) Robertsbridge, East Sussex
8) Rye, East Sussex
9) Colchester
10) Northampton

3. leave the country
4. Write a Novel (even if I’m the only one who ever reads it)
5. Send a message in a bottle
6. Make an origami crane
7. learn to play at least one song on the guitar.
8. Bake a Cake
9. Make a t shirt (well a design for one anyway)
10. Make a time capsule and bury it in the garden
11. Give up something for lent
12. Go to the dogs
13. Buy/Blag (and drink of course) A Bottle of Krug champagne.
14. Drink a Vintage Wine
15. Go to the Theatre
16. Go Ice Skating
17. Watch a live Ice Hockey match
18. Ride a motorbike
19. Visit a museum
20. Visit a theme park
21. Do some voluntary work in the community
22. Order something in a restaurant that I’ve never eaten before Guinea Fowl
23. Plant a Tree
24. Make a loaf of bread, from scratch without the aid of a bread making machine
25. Go on a picnic
26. Fly A Kite
27. Visit (and spend the night if possible) a haunted house
28. Visit a zoo
29. Make something crafty, (No CD’s or photographs)
30. Raise money for a charity
31. Watch a movie with subtitles (something I usually avoid, too much concentration needed)
32. Go on a wildlife photography day
33. Celebrate St Davids Day (Including home made Welsh Cakes)
34. Cook a meal from another country
35. Put my name down to rent a beach hut in the UK (On the list for a Beech Hut in Beer in Devon, it's only a 15 year wait!)
36. Get my blog redesigned and make 'Big Fish Little Fish' all grown up.
37. Go to Church
38. Run a race for charity. (Race For Life)

Feed Me

Down in sleepy little South Warnborough (a village so small you don't have time to blink before you miss it) there is a fantastic little village shop. It's a real old traditional style village shop which sells all manner of long forgotten treats like Wagon Wheels. It has exotic Olive Oils in big containers on the shelf that they sell by the refillable bottle, they have fresh farm produce and the most delicious fresh cream gateaux and just in case that wasn't enough to tempt you on Friday nights the traditional cream tea and bacon and eggs cafe that takes up half the shop does a very nice side line in Fish and Chips.

Now the idea of a local Chippy will no doubt make most people shrug and say "so what!" but round here it's a big deal. Planning permission for a Chippy in Odiham has been turned down several times because the powers that be are concerned that it might encourage the local youths to congregate around the chip shop at night and cause disruption in the village! Pathetic! So when the next village down the road opened a Friday night Chippy it was met much approval and I have to admit that Fish on a Friday has become a bit of a regular thing.

So if you owned a cafe come Chippy I ask you, would you have a rather large talking Penguin litter bin outside your shop? Yes, I did say talking! It freaked me out the first time it spoke as I walked past, and who wouldn't be a little jumpy if a large Plastic Penguin suddenly started to speak to you? If that's not enough it stands outside the Cafe/Chippy saying things like "I love it when you feed me trash"! Is the thought of eating trash what you'd want to be on people's minds as they walked into your cafe?

It doesn't seem to have affected business though, they are always busy and I have to say they do a mighty fine Fish and Chips. My only complaint, which is a really teeny one, is that their idea of a small portion and mine are two very different things. If you want a bumper bag of Fish and Chips give it a go. So far I've never managed to finish a whole 'small' portion we're getting very close to ordering one to share but then that just seems tight!

So if you ever feel the need for a chat with a Penguin you know where to go.

New Boots.

I've never quite understood the way shops, in particular sports shops and outdoor clothing shops size up their footwear. Not that I'm complaining, as someone who is one of the sizes that seems to cross over from Children's to adult sizes it saves me a fortune whenever I want to buy trainers or walking boots, like I did today. So I found a pair that I liked in the womens range in Blacks and the womens range went from size 5 upwards. So I'm a size 5 and they would have cost me £59.99 in the womens range. Then I see exactly the same pair in the children's range which went from a size 10 to a size 6 but only cost £24.99.

The shop assistant didn't look too pleased when having picked up the kids pair that was on display and asked him if they had it in a 5 I sat down and tried them on! They're a perfect fit and £35 cheaper than the adult version. Surely everyone who can fit into the upper end of the kids sizes would do the same? He tried to convince me that not so much care was taken in the manufacture of children's sizes are is in the adults versions but I've never found a problem with quality before and I've been buying kids trainers for a long time now. All in all a bargain!

Surreal Conversations With The Postman!

You just know it's going to be a difficult day when the Postman knocks on your door in the morning and interrupts your raging hangover by asking you if you know any Ghost Hunters!

2008

Just thought I'd better say hello to 2008 as I'm a little lacking in inspiration this year!

So... Hello 2008, brb.

Improv

When you have everything you need to make mince pies except a rolling pin - improvise :)

New Job.

So.. I’m three days into my adventure back to the real world of full time employment! It feels very strange but also a little exciting.

After the collapse of Postal Gifts and Number 81 I wandered into the local Wine Rack as a stopgap while I decided what to do with the rest of my life and it’s taken me eighteen months to finally leave. I still haven’t decided what I want to do with the rest of my life mind you!

Just before Christmas (23/12 to be exact) I finally did my last ever late night at Threshers and at nine o’clock in the morning on 24/12 I started as a temp with Getronics on their IT helpdesk (the blind leading the partially sighted springs to mind!)

I’ve been looking for a new career for a month or so now but it seems that either the job description leaves me cold or I don’t have all the skills I need when something has grabbed me. I set myself the goal of getting out of Threshers before Christmas and rather than jump at the first thing that came along temping whilst still looking seemed the sensible option.

So here I am temping! I have to get up in the mornings again! I have a commute, traffic jams, parking problems, travel costs, a no smoking office, a dire need for a new ‘business’ wardrobe and a whole new load of stuff to learn and it’s great, it finally feels like my brain has come back to life.

So for the foreseeable future at least I’m on the twelfth floor of the Barclays building in Basingstoke every day, having to remember my electronic pass to get through the doors and, for the time being at least, spending my day wearing a very uncomfortable headset (I think I need bigger ears) listening to someone resetting passwords and solving email problems while I try to get my head around how to do it all on my own. But I finish at 5.30 and I don’t have to work weekends anymore! Not to mention the fact that my wages have just trebled (Wine Rack wages are nothing to aspire to believe me!) and I’m looking forward to a few more new challenges in 2008.

New Career?

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but I think I may have found the perfect job. It's an industry that I love, a good basic, and commission, flexitime (handy when you're as crap in the morning as I am) and something that's going to fire up my brain again and get me back in the real world. I had the first interview today, which went well, the second is scheduled for Monday and then the third, and hopefully final is up to me - wish me luck :)

Well, I didn't get it :( lucky there's a plan B so watch this space. And it's a good excuse for drinking more bubbly :)

Snoring!

I had to smile tonight when I posted a few bits in need of a new home on freecycle including three unused pairs of earplugs that have been floating around my dressing table for eternity.

I got them as freebies from my days of selling for Bike Trader so I was expecting requests from bikers eager to save their hearing, but no, they've all been snapped up by women with husbands who snore!

I can understand it. I have to say it's one of those things that would eventually become a deal-breaker in a relationship for me. As a light sleeper the idea of spending a night with a man who snores incessantly is my idea of hell. Fortunately Matt only snores when he's had too many Ciders (and as I'm guilty of the same after too many glasses of wine I can hardly complain) or when he lies on his back (ditto) and generally some well aimed fidgeting or a gentle (cough) poke in the ribs usually puts an end to it but I can't imagine anything much worse than a loud non stop snore next to you night in night out.

So, ladies, they're on their way to you with my best wishes and if it helps to promote a little extra marital harmony I shall consider it Karma points well earned.

Psychometric Blogs?

So, having got to the stage where I seriously need to find a new job I got to thinking - what would my potential new employers think about me if they read my blog?

I think I’d be ok. There’s no real deviancy or debauchery to concern them, there’s the occasional glimpse of wit and once in a while something worth reading but at the end of the day I do it for me, not to use as a CV. Which got me onto another train of thought – why not? After all, decisions are made on the basis of psychometric tests so why not Blogs? What clearer indication is there of what’s really going on in someone’s mind than the contents of their blog?

Take for instance, a friend of mine who has been doing the job that she wants for three months now but she’s not allowed to actually have the job title (and salary) that goes with it until she can pass the company psychometric test, which she’s already failed, and to make matters worse she has to wait three months to retake it! Ask her to write a blog for three months, it’s gotta be easier.

So I think there should be a new line on application forms, one asking for the URL of your blog, and if you haven’t got one make one. If I ever get to the stage where I’m making hiring and firing decisions again it’s going to be the first thing I look at.

New Toys!

I have discovered a dangerous new addiction – Freecycling! The idea is very simple you put stuff up for grabs that you don’t want anymore and if it’s any use to anyone else they come and take it away from you – for free! It's a worldwide concept and there are local groups just about everywhere just go to the website to find yours.

So far I’ve managed to find a good home for my ancient and much travelled Sinclair ZX Spectrum that has been sitting in various cupboards, garages and even had a brief stint in Wimbledon Police Station for over 20 years and I’ve offered all my old cassette tapes and videos and a few more things that I’m loathed to throw away just in case someone somewhere has a use for them.

Of course the danger is that while trying to rehome your own junk you invariably come across things that other people are getting rid of that might just come in handy.


Ironic maybe that the first thing that I’ve gained via freecycle is a free cycle! An exercise bike to be precise, in pretty good nick with onboard computer and everything, just the thought of using it brings me out in a sweat, although I suspect I may actually have to get on it to see any real benefit.

We’ve also got a pine coffee table and some dumbbells lined up to collect and no doubt I’ll come across a whole host of stuff that might just come in handy.

Good job I cleared the garage out last week.

Sunshine Whenever You Want It :)

Last Week's Impulse Buy!

As part of my attempts to shift the post Xmas Llbs (Xmas 2005 and 2006 that is!) I bought a bike. Advertised in our local newsagent, a 15 gear ladies Mountain Bike for just £10. I went to look at it and although a little old and battered it seemed ok, what do you expect for a tenner? Unfortunately it seems to have two permanently flat tyres which makes riding it a bit tricky at the moment but just as soon as I've found a willing volunteer to help me repair punctures/fit new inner tubes I'll be out and about on it.

Clumsy Is As Clumsy Does!

Being ever so slightly clumsy and slightly accident-prone myself, and after a particularly eventful evening I decided to try a bit of Internet research on the subject. So I typed into the search box ‘what makes people clumsy?’

A surprising amount of the hits that were returned seemed to be connected to alcohol, understandable enough I guess but I feel I’m a little more specialised than most in as much as my clumsiness, when intoxicated (and I don’t need to be anywhere near drunk to do this) seems to focus on an ability to spill red wine. Never White Wine, I can hold a gallon glass of white, perch it precariously on the arm of a sofa, knock it, walk past it, kick it, you name it, it never topples – but give me a glass of red and I only need to be in the same room before it inevitably ends up covering something. The amount of wine spilt and the resulting stain seems to bear a distinct correlation to the colour of my surroundings at the time i.e. the lighter the colour ergo the more likely to stain=the higher the chance of spillage. So I was more than a little concerned when Matt and I started looking for a new place to live and the cute little furnished cottage that we really liked had two white sofas in it. As anyone who’s ever spent an evening drinking with me will tell you – it’s only a matter of time! No matter how careful I am I WILL spill red wine on one of them sooner or later. So it wasn’t the end of the world when the estate agents phoned today and told us that the Landlord has now decided that he wants to rent the place unfurnished! Phew!

We haven’t got it in the bag yet but here’s hoping, not that I’m looking forward to actually moving it feels like I’ve done nothing but put things in boxes and move them from one place to the other for the last six months, but it’ll be worth it when (if) we get there, it’s got a garden, and a garage and everything!

So back to today. We have one of those slow closing things on the toilet door at work, which has to be bolted shut at the end of the day. I went in to get a bin liner from the cupboard in there and the door started to close ever so slowly, just as I heard a customer come into the shop. In an attempt to finish the job in hand before I went to sort out the customer I pulled on the towel rail on the outside of the door to close it more quickly which promptly came off in my hand sending me flying backwards into a pile of boxes of wine stacked on the floor. Fortunately the bottles didn’t break and I think I’ve managed to stick the towel rail back into the screw holes convincingly enough that no one will ever notice it was torn from it’s fixings, and I'm sure the bruises will fade quite quickly this time! Then I came home, watched an episode of Heroes (well worth checking out) than proceeded to knock a glass of wine all over my computer desk (none on the carpet, honest Matt!) twice and all this after only three small glasses.

I looked on Wikipedia and apparently clumsiness is caused by neurological problems and thankfully I don’t seem to suffer from any of the other symptoms associated with them when not drinking red wine so I can only come to the conclusion that red wine just turns whatever part of my brain that controls coordination, often with devastating effects on upholstery, (and my head, I still have a lump from a particularly unfortunate incident involving red wine, falling over and a pint glass, filled with water at Christmas)into a pile of mush.

Though it pains me to say it, it would appear that the only cure is a life devoid of red wine. Oh what the hell – what’s a carpet or two between friends anyway.

UPDATE

We got the Cottage, whoopee more moving, more packing, more lugging boxes around and then forever trying to remember which box things are in. Moving Day 26th Feb. I can't wait :)

Oops!

Who's been a naughty girl then? One of Hampshire's finest took offence to the fact that wearing my seatbelt seemed to have slipped my mind on the way back from seeing Borat at the cinema - oops!

I wasn't too concerned, apart from the possibility of a fine for not wearing my belt I knew I hadn't done anything else wrong. He asked me to blow into the breathaliser and that was all clear, checked my driving licence on the police database, no problems there, but when it came to the insurance the car came back as uninsured - and it's definitely insured! Although he was concerned that he couldn't find a record of the insurance he let me go with nothing but a telling off and an order to produce my documents within seven days. The only problem I've got now is catching our local Police Station actually open. We only have one policeman in the village so tracking him down is not an easy task, still I've got a week, I should be able to find him by then.


UPDATE!

Found him, showed him my documents and I'm now officially off the hook! :)

Waiting!

Today has been a bored day! One of those listless, don't know what I want to do, can't be bothered with the things I know I should do, generally fed up sort of days!

In an attempt to snap out of my gloomy mood I decided to go for a wander with my camera. Even that was a little half hearted, I couldn't be bothered to drive anywhere so I ended up roaming the same old places in Odiham, and believe me when I say it's not a big place so there's only so much to see.

I decided to see if I could capture any of the Autumn colours that there are around at the moment, especially as it seemed like we'd almost skipped Autumn this year. The weather seemed to suddenly go from summer to winter, t-shirts and sunshine one moment and then dark evenings and winter coats the next.

As is so often the case, I soon got sidetracked from my original quest and spotted a flock of birds on the church roof. I'm not sure what sort of birds they are but they're always there. They sit there for ages then fly off and circle around landing occasionally in a tree or a field then returning to their perch on the roof.

The falling leaves and Autumn colours that I expected to see seemed very sparse, I was surprised at just how green everything still is but I managed to capture a few of the changing colours none the less and the walk and a dose of fresh air helped clear my head and lift my mood ready for a few hours of late afternoon/early evening work.

The Continuing Saga Of THE Light!

I fear I may be getting a little obsessed with 'The Light'. It's been flashing on then off, then on, then off etc etc outside my bedroom window for over two weeks now and sleep deprivation is making me a tad grumpy!

Apparently they need a part to arrive before the council can put me out of my misery! (Just how many parts can there be in a light?). We tried to break it a few nights ago but no one was quite tall enough to reach it, but if I get my hands on a bigger ladder....

However, I had to smile about it today when one of our customers dropped these into the shop for me! Gotta be worth a try :)