What's In A Name

I was sent this by a friend, I checked and they really are legitimate web addresses, surely they must have realised how their URL appeared!

"Who Represents" is where you can find the names of agents
representing celebrities. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales
www.molestationnursery.com

If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their Web site,
www.speedofart.com

:)

It's Friday :)

A Letter To Our Pets!

I was sent this by email and it just reminded me of a few of the many reasons why, on days like today, I like animals more than I like (some) people!

Dear Cats and Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not make it yours and I don't find it cute!

The stairway is not a race track! Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Don't think I'm going to sleep on the sofa to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or stick your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's bum - NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I cannot stress this enough!


And just to keep the pets happy these are the rules, for people who don't cohabit with a Cat or Dog, visiting our house!

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit.

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature )

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

Remember: Cats and Dogs are better than kids because:

1. They eat less

2. They don't ask for money all the time.

3. They are easier to train and usually come when they're called (for Cats read sometimes come when they are called, if they are hungry at the time!)

4. They never drive your car.

5. They don't hang out with drug-using friends and don't smoke or drink.

6. They don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.

7. They don't wear your clothes.

8. They don't need a "go-zillion" dollars for college/university

9. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children, and nobody arrests you!

Badger Or Frog?

I can't decide which is the more annoying, but I am certain that the 'crazy students at the Technic University Delft (holland) playing the famous (?) Badgerbadger cartoon' need to go out more!




What do you think?

WLTM

Another extract from my Bad Cats Book. If you like these then have a look at My cat Hates You.Com .

Porn?

A little bit of fun, thanks to Garrett for pointing this out to me. I warn you though - you'll never get the song out of your head :)

WLTM

Thanks to Bex and Lee for the funniest Christmas pressie this year, "244 not-so-pretty kitties and cats gone bad" also found at My Cat Hates You there will be many more from this book on my blog so watch this space :)

Altogether Now..

(To be sung to the tune of 'One Man Went To Mow)

5 more sleeps to go
5 more sleeps to Santa
5 more sleep till the big fat bloke comes down your chimney and leaves you presents and drinks your beer
5 more sleeps till Santa.

Feeling festive yet? :)

Cat Dictionary

Did someone say Mouse?
Originally uploaded by Cathy G.

Insomnia
The inability to get more than twenty hours sleep in a day

Loyalty
Staying with the same human for more than six weeks

Stress
A condition only observed in other creatures

Bird
Canned food with wings but no can

Flea
A tiny vicious dragon

Dog
A large hairy overgrown flea

Conciousness
That annoying time inbetween naps

Food
Something which must be taken at 30-minute intervals

Love
A feeling one can only truly have for oneself

Box
A possible portal to utopia which must be explored and guarded

Work
An activity carried out by mankind to maintain catkind in comfort

Humility
No known definition.

Filthy Habit!

Get The Message?

I was thinking about one of my many career changes a while ago and enrolled in a home study course to become a Private Investigator. As part of the course I was invited to join a web group for PI's. Although I haven't finished the course (yet!) I still belong to the web group. The posting's can be quite interesting sometimes. As some of the information could be quite sensitive I suppose the moderator of the group insists that anyone who posts puts a full signature at the end of each posting, company name, address, telephone number etc. One of the members missed some of the information off and was contacted by the moderator and told off a little - this was his response, which made me smile! (I have removed his contact details from this blog entry).


Dear Group,

I have been asked by the moderator to redo this request for help, as I did not put in my full address!!

I only put full name, telephone number, E Mail address, mipi membership, and Company name. I forgot to put that we are on the top of the hill just near the pub by the house with the little old lady who has got a wonky eye and the barking Dog. My van is parked at the front and the back left tyre is a little flat. If you ever have the need to find me let me know you are coming and I will fire a few flares to guide you in or I will stand by the gate waving the union jack.

If you need to write and cant find the time to call in, then please write to-

(Name and address removed)

Born 31st October 1956 (Birthday in a few weeks Moderator please take note) born in Manchester at Crumpsell Hospital (think it was raining) but mam done very well. Dad was on the beer at the time and missed it, bless him.

Telephone ***************
Fax ****************
E.Mail ********************
WWW.*******************

Please let me know if this is enough!!!! xx

A Statistic, A Reminder!

While I'm on a brief anti-smoking campaign, found in The Book Of Bunny Suicides by Andy Riley a book for 'little fluffy rabbits who just don't want to live anymore'

Cat Attack!

If you like cat's you'll love this - check out My Cat Hates You Dot Com

A Masterpiece?

My first painting! If you want to have a go at creating your own click here great for wasting office time :)

Joke of The Day!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways!

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says: "So you're a man, that's interesting - I'm a woman! Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine, celebrate our good fortune and see where the evening leads."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police....

A Spy Amongst Them!

Sunday's Smile :)