June 29, 2006

Dreaming Of Sleep!

I’ve always been an incredibly light sleeper, and I’ve always found it hard to get to sleep in the first place, I don’t think I count as an insomniac because around about 3.30 on most afternoons I could probably sleep standing up given the chance, but it seems that the slightest little noise can disturb me at night. So when I moved from a busy street in South London to a sleepy little village, in Hampshire I thought my problems would be over.

So imagine how I felt when I realised that I’d just moved into a house next door to the local wannabee Rock Star. I inhabit the loft of our little communal home; I thought it was quite cool when we first moved in, my own living room (or should that be lounge?) and a separate bedroom, almost the loft apartment I’d always aspired to when I lived in London – well with a bit of imagination it could be! The wall between my bedroom and his room is paper thin, so much so that we can hear each other cough! (Which makes life a little uncomfortable if either of us have a – shall we say – more intimate moment!) So I was captain happy when I first heard his guitar, drum machine, organ, bass guitar and, wait for it, Violin! However after the first few months of sleepless nights, a bit of banging on the wall, a couple of rants and a letter from the Environmental Health we finally reached a truce and he agreed to stop playing his guitar/stereo/whatever at 11.30pm, and in return I agreed to text him if I stayed at a friends so he could go wild once in a while. And it worked. For a couple of years I managed to sleep most nights. Then he moved out! I crossed my fingers and hoped to get a bookworm with no TV or stereo as a new neighbour, but no – what do I get? A 19 year old hip hop fan, with lots of friends who clearly still live at home because they just love to go round to his place and sit up for most of the night, talking, watching TV, listening to music and generally driving me insane!

We’ve talked, I’ve shouted, I’ve threatened and I’ve pleaded, we’ve come to a similar agreement about texting him when I’m not going to be in but he’s still prone to the odd night of noise, thankfully I also have a sofa bed in my living room, so at a push I can normally grab at least a few hours.

Then just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the local Council stepped in and ruined what little hope there was of me ever getting 8 hours of deep, uninterrupted, blissful sleep. They fixed the light. THE light is in an alley at the back of our house, which my bedroom overlooks. THE light is bright enough to give Blackpool a run for it’s money and when it’s on it’s like trying to sleep under a floodlight! It didn’t work for years apparently so some concerned citizen complained about the dangers of walking down an unlit alley in a sleepy little village in the dead of night and they fixed it! Now, I could live with it being on all night, eventually I’d get used to it and get to sleep but it’s not on all night! If only it were that simple! It’s on for about 30 seconds then it goes off, then it comes on, then it goes off, then it comes on… you get the idea don’t you?

So now, just as I’ve managed to block out the sound of The Streets blasting through my bedroom wall and start to drift off to sleep a light comes on outside and casts a very bright silhouette of my bedroom window on the wall. Then it goes dark and I drift off again, then the light comes on and wakes me up, then I drift off again and so on and so on, all f%&*king night! Is it too much to ask to just be able to sleep? I’ve spoken to the Council several times about it now, and a very nice, but obviously ineffective man called Julian from ‘lighting’ keeps telling me that they’ll get someone out there to fix it ASAP! I’ve started to look into just how much the fine would be for damaging council property and if all else fails I find that a liberal helping of red wine makes a pretty good sedative! Anyone got a quiet darkened room I could borrow for about 8 hours please?

June 25, 2006

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes...

I couldn't help but laugh at this conversation between my housemate and her five year old daughter (my goddaughter) over dinner a few nights ago...

Mum - So who did you play with at school today?
Daughter - Archie
Mum - Is Archie your friend?
Daughter - Yes
Mum - Is Archie your boyfriend?
Daughter - Yes, but he doesn't know it yet!

Maybe I should try the same tactic :)

June 19, 2006

Fame At Last?

I found a company that makes T-shirts named after my Blog - infamy at last :)

I can feel a present to me coming on.

June 14, 2006

Where Have All the Cock-Knees Gone?

So it’s the World Cup again! I hate football! IMHO it’s boring. I know there’s a fairly large amount of the world’s population that would disagree, very strongly, with me, but there it is, I’ve said it – I hate football!

I’m not against ball games per say – in fact I’m a huge Rugby fan (my Father was Welsh – it’s sort of compulsory!) but even then I don’t want to watch all the games, just the one’s that matter but in the spirit of live and let live and all that I don’t mind putting up with wall to wall football on the TV schedules for the next four weeks (please tell me it’s only four weeks!). However, I do object when it’s at the cost of something I want to watch every week, 52 weeks of the year. Put it on later, put it on BBC 2, put it on BBC 3 but just give me my Eastenders fix!!

It’s got as far as Wednesday and not even a sniff of Albert Square antics. It may not be the most intellectually stimulating programme around but it’s a ritual that my life is incomplete without. I have a theory that I have, to date, never been proved wrong about – if the phone rings when Eastenders is on it’s always either a double glazing/energy supply/whatever rep, or a man. Women just don’t phone you when ‘Enders is on, unless it’s to discuss an integral part of the plot line, even then it has to be really important to be worthy of interruption.

Eastenders is Valium for the working woman. It’s that half hour between coming home from work and going out again/working again/doing chores etc that you can just leave your brain on the coffee table and unwind without any need to tax your mind – and right now I’m going cold turkey all because of football!

So – BBC, if by any chance you happen to read this, spare a thought for the licence payers out there that don’t give a *@^k who wins the world cup and give us back our soaps – trust me the world will be a happier place for it.

June 06, 2006

The Drink Of The Devil?

The Drink Of The Devil?
Originally uploaded by Cathy G.
Well.. what else could you drink on 06.06.06!

"The legend began more than 100 years ago, when Don Melchor de Concha y Toro (try saying that after a few glasses of it!) founder of the winery, reserved for himself an exclusive batch of the best wines they produced. To keep strangers away from this special private reserve, he spread the rumor that the Devil lived in that place. Hence the name Casillero del Diablo - Cellar Of the Devil.

A very drinkable Cabernet Sauvignon and a few too many glasses of this and you'll have one hell of a hangover the next day :)

Go To Hell?

Hell is having it's busiest day today.

The town of Hell in Michigan is expecting a horde of revellers to visit today, to mark the date which echoes the Bible's 'number of the beast' .

Mayor (and souvenir shop owner!) John Colone will be selling mugs, T-shirts and deeds to one square inch of Hell for $6.66.

He said "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying that they've celebrated June 6th, 2006 in Hell".

June 04, 2006

Wise Words #1

Most people are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.

Abraham Lincoln

June 01, 2006